According to the agency that places the international students, we, as hosts, are responsible for two meals a day, and a ride to school. Even getting them home is negotiable. In the handbook, it goes so far as to spell out the meals. For example, breakfast should be “grab and go” such as a bowl of cereal, piece of fruit, yogurt, granola bar, a glass of juice, which, incidentally is how all of my kids treated the first meal of the school day. Dinner should be whatever your family is having. That’s it. Two meals and a ride. If he needs to get picked up at the airport, that’s a little extra stipend. If he needs a ride somewhere else, it should be arranged through the agency for an addition, negotiated price, otherwise he should Uber everywhere.
And that is ridiculous. Life isn’t a series of arranged pick-ups for a little bit of extra cash.
I was not that naive to think that adding a teenager to our household would be as simple as a couple of meals and a ride. But I never anticipated that our Chinese kid would be this needy, or immature….. that he would be Bill.
I don’t mind driving and picking up locally when it works out with my schedule. I’ve spent years doing it the same way with my own children. If I’m around, sure, I can pick up you, otherwise, find a ride or walk home. But when he wants to go 45 miles away, on the spur of the moment, Uber it is. Except Bill was sent to the USA without a cell phone…… He has an IPad and can text, but unfortunately, Uber requires a cell phone. Was it my responsibility to let him use my cell number on his Uber account? No, but I did so he could get around. (He did come back from Christmas break with a phone).
It is also assumed that these International students will just automatically make friends, fit in and have a social life. Again, not true for Bill. It is my responsibility to try and arrange “play dates” for him? No, but I feel bad when he can’t find someone to hang out with, and will call some of the other host families to see if something can be arranged.
When he wants to stay in his room for hours on end, watching Chinese game shows on his IPad, is it my responsibility to tell him he can’t? That he has to come downstairs and watch American TV and interact with us? No, and having a sullen teenager around someplace he does want to be is no fun for anyone, so I allow it.
The manual states that if the student isn’t present for meals, you should just go ahead without him. I do think it is my responsibility to know where my student is, not only at mealtimes, but all the time. I would not allow my own kids to be gone hours on end, unclear of their location, or having no way to getting in touch with them. It’s easy, on paper, to say start eating and go on with your night, but I don’t run a restaurant. Dinner is not served all evening. While I may not like it, it is my responsibility to track him down and make sure he’s home at the appropriate times. We were also informed, when we questioned the agency, that if Bill were, God forbid, hit by car due to his inattention to street signs or traffic, we would in no way be held accountable. I realize that no one can be with any teenage child at all times, so we took it upon ourselves to quickly teach him the rules of the road. And by teach, I mean scare the crap out of him. He couldn’t/refused to see the danger of riding his bike in the street, or haphazardly walking across the street whenever the mood struck. I only hope he remembers this training when the weather warms up and he’s back to being outside.
Bill wanted so badly to play basketball, but was not allowed to play for his school due to international rules with exchange students, He tried out just to practice with them, but they declined his presence. Was it my responsibility to find and sign him for a local, club basketball team with kids his own age? No, but I did. Now he has practices and weekend games. And furthermore, is it my responsibility to manage his time? Again, no, but he needs rides and arrangements to the late evening practices, and we now find ourselves attending basketball games with the other parents to watch him. This definitely isn’t a given responsibly, but he’s a kid. He wants someone to show up once in a while and watch him, to cheer him on, take a picture of him, just like his teammates.
None of these things are tangible responsibilities that can be written in a manual. I imagine one of my own children, at his age, living in a foreign country, with virtual strangers, and think of all of the scenarios that I would want someone there for my child. While Bill may be irritating, he, and all of these international students are people. You cannot just write a manual with basic instructions and expect success.
Maybe this method works for the majority of these students. The ones that aren’t awkward and have been afforded the social opportunities from their families to fit in. But sadly, Bill lacks a basic understanding of how the world works. His immaturity shows though in most of his actions.
I have never been a foster parent, but I image that experience is quite similar to inviting an international student to live with. You don’t know what type of child/student will be placed in your home, what sort of background he/she comes from, and what you will have to do in order for that child to have a safe and positive experience living with you.
We were given a generic handbook. It would have been nice if Bill had come with a handbook specific to him.
