Ding Dong….. Bill is Gone……

So this experiment that was Bill has abruptly ended.

I can’t say that I’m sorry he is no longer in our home. I absolutely know that my husband is glad he’s gone, and while my daughter is very kind, I don’t think even she realized what a toll it was having him around.  The atmosphere in our home last night was lighter. Dinner was easy and did not include any forced conversation or strange bouts of listening to Bill slurp his food. Our daughter actually lingered at the table, much more chatty than she’d been in a while. She even suggested we watch TV, as a family, just us….

We went to bed without the sounds of doors slamming just when we were drifting off to sleep, and this morning, each of us went about our business of getting ready for the day. No one complained about the food, or touched all the food without washing their hands, no one had to be roused out of bed, no one sat in the backseat of my car and pretended I was their chauffeur and no one will be coming home tonight with a bad attitude and bad manners.

I’d say it’s a good day.

We had been fully prepared to have Bill stay with us until he finished the school year. June 4th. June 4th. June 4th.  That had been my mantra. Finals conclude June 2nd, a day to relax and pack, and then get on plane June 4th and head back to China. Yipee! As much as I would have loved to have asked him to leave much earlier, I know that he’d been shipped around since he was little. His parents put him in an International Boarding school since the age of 6, home only on weekends. Much of his bad behavior could be accounted for the fact that he had never actually lived a family life, with rules and consequences. I sincerely did not want to be another person that he would view as someone that threw him away.

That was the plan. We would stick it out until the end of school. It seemed like a natural ending place. The agency had already informed him he would not be returning to us for the next school year. Many people have asked how this program works, which is an entire subject matter for the next post!

So we were continuing along, status quo, until the other night.

Bill had been at a friend’s house for the day. He wasn’t sure when he was coming home, and showed up at 5pm, heading directly to his room to do something…… I can only assume it was to watch Chinese game shows, a favorite past time of his.

I informed both he and my daughter that dinner was at 6pm. I was tired, and really wanted the weekend to be over. I figured make dinner, eat, tidy up the kitchen and relax……

However, Bill decided otherwise.

I don’t want to eat dinner at 6. I want to eat at 7:30.

Ok, Bill, dinner is served at 6pm. If you don’t want to eat then, you can have left overs, or make a sandwich, yogurt, apple.

I don’t see why it matters. I want a hot dinner.

Then be at the table at 6pm. This isn’t a restaurant.

FYI….. according to the agency “rule book” the norm for dinner is, you give the student a time, and then eat. If they miss, then they can “grab & go”…… exactly what I told him. Leftovers, sandwiches, fruit, something quick and easy.

Bill did not join us for dinner, instead came out of his room at 7:30 and proceeded to eat the left overs, meats, cheese, fruit. A lot.  I only point out how much he ate because of what happened later that evening.

When he finished, he informed us he was taking another shower. Bill now enjoys taking multiple showers for no reason other than emptying the hot water tank and feeling good. Our rule, one shower a day, unless you’ve been playing sorts and are gross and disgusting (same rule for our kids….)

Mr. X. I am taking another shower.

Bill, you did nothing all day, you took one this morning.

I like to take showers when I want. What does it matter?

Well, since you empty the hot water tank several times a day for no reason, the answer is no.

I don’t see why it matters. (starting to yell)

Bill, consider it a rule. Once a day unless you’re played sports. This isn’t a spa.

FYI, this was a conversation that had happened multiple times in the recent past.

So it’s a rule?

Yes, a house rule.

At this point, I asked Bill what sort of house rules there were at his house in China, and what the consequences there were for breaking those rules.

He couldn’t think of any, and said no one had ever told him he could not do something (except for us apparently), and that he had never faced any sort of consequence for his bad behavior. He knew the consequences for our kids included taking away their phones, grounding, more chores around the house. We had no recourse in this respect for Bill.

He left and went to his room. We sighed with relief that he was done arguing, and continued with our peaceful evening. Our daughter went up to his room an hour later to see if he wanted some ice cream. He did not.

Two hours later, my phone rings. It’s the international agent in New York.

What is going on your house?

What??? (me, extremely confused)

Bill called and said that you won’t let him take a shower, or eat dinner, and that your husband threatened him. WHAT????

An hour long conversation ensued, explaining what actually happened. The agent, who has known Bills’ rocky background and all of the difficulties we had been going through since Bill’s arrival, understood. She went on to once again tell me how difficult Bill was (as if I didn’t already know that), that Bills’ rich father in China was crazy, and we all had to do everything to keep him happy.

I explained that I felt no such obligation. Bill would follow the house rules when he was living with us, whether his father liked it or not.  Furthermore, the fact that Bill was angry at my husband and decided to conjure up lies about us exhibited extremely manipulative behavior on his part. Bill’s fathers’ money did not factor into consideration with us.

We confronted Bill, who said he never said those things. He had no response when we said his agent did not just call us out of thin air and tell us those lies.

I didn’t say those things. I did not lie. I will fix it with her. He seemed irritated and dismissive. Clearly, he had decided to throw a tantrum to lash out and hadn’t thought it through.

We told him to go to bed, while we stayed up, discussing the situation. We decided that he could no longer be in our house. If he was willing to make up a lie that he was threatened and was not being allowed eat, what could be next? A litany of much worse and extreme accusations ran through my head. That, coupled with his crazy father, and Bills’ behavioral issues, drove the nail in the coffin. He would have to leave the next day. While I did not really believe Bill would get physical, the words of the agent telling me she was afraid his crazy father and she never knew what he might do kept running through my head.

At about midnight, I woke my daughter up and made her sleep with me behind a locked door, my husband banished to the guest room. She was not happy with that turn of events.

I do admit that was bit extreme, but we all have weird, paranoid thoughts in the middle of the night. Better to be safe than sorry…… God forbid we end up front page news.

After a very silent drive to drop Bill off at school the next day, I contacted the local agency. I explained the situation, and requested he leave our home that day. Letting him know he was being asked to leave, and then staying for a few more days would only be asking for trouble. She was surprised, but after concluding our conversation, didn’t seem to resist the idea. I said I wanted a representative at our home to oversee his packing, as I didn’t want to later be accused of stealing anything of his, and I wanted to have a short sit down discussion with Bill, with an outside person present. He had lived with us for the past 9 months, and we felt it that we could not let him leave without attempting to make him understand that his actions, did in fact, have consequences.

When they arrived at our house that evening,  we sat down for a conversation. I explained that the trust that we had in him was gone. He lied about us, and we could not trust that he wouldn’t decide to lie about something even larger if something wasn’t to his liking.  He was smiling and nodding. He did look a tad crazy at that moment.

I did not lie. We have a different opinion. This was always his fall back answer when he was wrong.

Bill, making up something that is untrue is a lie. There is no opinion to be had. It is a fact that you said those things, and that you knew very well none of it was the truth.

I don’t want to talk about this. I was going to say I didn’t want to live here anymore soon. Yea, right.

I understood that he had lashed out because he was angry, and I would have felt bad, since it was a kid saying this, except for his snotty attitude, and the fact that he has always acted as though we were his servants. I honestly don’t think it ever occurred to him before this day that we could actually ask him to leave our house.

My husband concluded with a brief lesson on how his actions and bad behavior had  repercussions, and that having to leave our house was a lesson we hoped he would learn from in his future. His father would not be able to buy his way out of everything in Bills’ life.

The representative expressed his gratitude at our way of handling of the situation, and while Bill packed, regaled us with stories of some host families finally having enough of bad student behavior, and just throwing the kids’ stuff outside on the lawn, then calling to tell them to pick up the kid and get them off their property!

Bill did not seem troubled to be leaving. I seriously doubt that he realized then just how good he had to with us. He had a relatively small amount of chores to do, his laundry and keep his junk from spilling out of his room. His close proximity to his school.  The almost nonexistent commute. The close parks and gyms that were within a short Uber drive, or just a bike ride away. The unlimited amounts of food he consumed (I never had an issue with the amount he ate, just he rude way he did it!). The effort we put into getting him on a basketball team, going to his games, practices.

I wished him well, my husband helped pack up the car,  we said our good byes, and he was gone.