I often get the inquiry, ” How does this process work? how did you get involved with hosting a Chinese student for an entire school year?”…..
Keep in mind, my view of this entire process is quite dim, and not because of our less than stellar experience with Bill. As an involved parent, I can’t help but negatively judge the agency, the process and the lack of involvement with these students.
This is how it worked for us. Of course, there are hundreds of stories and agencies and experiences. Ours is just one.
It all started with an ad in the paper…..
In a nutshell, the International family contacts a Chinese agent in America…… the agent connects with the various American organizations that exist in the US for this purpose….. and the American organization advertises for families to host the student. In terms of compensation, it’s like a weird ponzi scheme. The wealthy family pays the agent an undisclosed, large amount of money. The agent pays the organization a certain amount per month, and the organization pays the host family less than 50% of that they receive, and it is quite minimal. Basically, the people hosting, feeding, driving around, keeping the students alive are at the bottom of the food chain. We did not, nor should anyone, host an exchange student for the purpose of making money, however, to see the agency receiving twice the amount of the host families seemed a bit ludicrous, considering the little amount of contact they had with their students.
When I answered the ad to express our interest in hosting a Chinese student, I reviewed the website. It seemed quite professional, informative, legitimate. The application asked the right questions, and we had to agree to a background check. My husband and I had both been screened in the past to be Scout leaders, so I knew this was a standard procedure when dealing with children, and also knew we would pass with flying colors. They asked for photos of our home, which I provided (after a serious cleaning!).
Due to the fact our first Chinese girl student fell through and we didn’t think we were getting a student, the background check was never performed. When they called and asked if we would take Bill, and we agreed, it still had not been completed. In fact, Bill was already in our home before we were approved.
No one ever actually looked at our house, or paid us a visit. The photos we provided could have been taken anywhere and they would have never known the difference. I heard through various other host families that deception is common, which causes the students to move around from home to home when they are first placed with new families.
We were required to answer a monthly survey about what was going on with our student, which I did with painful honesty, and provide one photo per month. I detailed the good, as well as the bad, but no one responded until the last month, and that was to a trivial laundry issue. In their defense, I did have several phone conversations and emails regarding Bill’s poor behavior and strange idiosyncrasies, so they were well award of the difficulties we were experiencing with him.
Another concept that was hard to grasp was the fact that many of these Chinese students are sent to America with health issues, and the host families are not informed of their needs.
Bill has behavioral/emotional issues that the Chinese agent finally acknowledged, but said his father did not recognize those issues, and in fact, dismissed the idea that his son may have difficulties assimilating with people.
We should have been informed of this issues before the decision was made that he be placed in our care. He could not be left alone in our house, we worried he will start a fire or leave the doors open. We literally had to teach him how to ride a bike and how to cross the street. I have seen him walk directly in front of cars with absolutely no concern for his own safely. He did not want to participate in anything unless it is basketball, and if you questioned any of his beliefs, he became upset.
He viewed the correction of his behavior as unkindness because he could not conceive of the concept of discipline. His behavior was more in line with that of an 8 year old child, not a sixteen year old in high school that we erroneously believed would be coming to live with us. This is the type of information that would have been good to know before we agreed to become a host family.
Bill also wore extremely thick glasses, and told me he was having trouble seeing. The Agent said he could wait until he went back to China in the summer for a check up. After he complained to me a few times, I finally took him to Four Eyes and they confirmed that his prescription was, in fact, too weak for him. The lack of interest over Bill’s well being was shocking. Another boy was sent here with braces and no arrangement were make for him to see an orthodontist, and a girl we met had an eating disorder and was taking Chinese powders for depression, but no arrangements for medical supervision were made. These were just a few cases that I personally knew. I’m sure there had to be hundreds more, considering how many students come to America to study.
In America, our school systems are trained to help recognize students that may have emotional or behavioral problems. China does not have this sort of system. These, and all types of medical problems should be vetted and the agencies made aware of each student’s requirements, not only for the good of the student, but the host families should know ahead of time what they are signing up for, and be able to make an informed decision if someone with special needs would be a good fit for their family. In our situation, they needed a place for Bill, we were not told about his difficulties, they later said they themselves were not aware of his behavioral problems, and they were just glad to have found a bed for him. Knowing the full backgrounds of each student should be the first thing they ask when accepting International students to their programs, so that information can be passed on to the hosts families and to the schools.
Another baffling concept was transportation. As per the Student Handbook, students that choose to participate in any sort of activities are after school/weekends should just Uber about town, unless arrangements are made in advance with the agency for additional compensation. Now, I think Uber is great. It is a financially reasonable alternative to cabs, and extremely easy to obtain. My thoughts on that, again, are safety issues. Most of these kids are young. They are unfamiliar with the geographic area, and are just expected to jump into cars with strangers. While Bill did Uber quite a bit, I usually had him text me when he arrived somewhere.
Bill arrived in America without a cell phone, and the agency had no idea. I allowed him to use my cell phone number with Uber for the first 4 months of this stay. He texted with his Ipad, but could not receive or place calls. The agency insisted he return from Christmas break in China with a phone when I brought it to their attention. They did admit it was unsafe for any student not to have a phone.
Another slip through the cracks.
We were told that if our student went out and didn’t return, of if something happened to him (ie, getting in an accident while riding his bike on a busy street) that we would not be held responsible. How could adults in charge of a minor living in their home NOT be responsible? We took our responsibility of having Bill in our home very seriously. He had the same rules and expectations of our own children. We knew where he was, he had specific guidelines and curfews and was expected to follow those rules.
When Bill left our home, I contacted the school to let them know we were not longer the responsible “parents” for him. They had no idea he had left out home, and seemed very irritated that the agency had not contacted them immediately.
I know there are many organizations that exist to facilitate students from all over the work coming to America for school. And I have heard a lot of positive stories about other people’s experiences. Unfortunately, that was not the case with us.